This past week has been the most horrible week in my life. I have never felt such a coldness grip my heart, making me feel so worthless and sinfull. I have longed to feel that tired relief of losing the cause of my grief. It's been a slow climb, but I stand here now and feel at peace, I even feel joy for knowing that I may have made mistakes, but that I have done my best to put things right. Knowing that I am not perfect, that I can never fully restore things is OK, because I know that God can. I can see His work right now - not just in the peace I feel, but in the way my walk with Him, though stony and tiresome, is going upwards and towards a wonderful destination. I feel stronger and more confidant for who I am in Christ because of the things I have felt and seen. I have learnt that I cannot please everyone, and I have learnt that that should not be my aim anyway in life. I've fallen face down on the cold stone of reality, but I can look up towards the sun again, know where I stand, and take my place in this world as a servant of God. Even though I know that I will one day return to this dreary place, I will not let go of Jesus. I WILL be restored with the joy of His salvation!!! (Psalm 51.12)