This life is weird. Sometimes it's like being on a merry-go-round - or, like the Seekers (or was it The new Seekers?) sang that 'all my life's a circle'. It feels like I've been here before. And in some ways, that's good, because I can ponder on my past experiences, think about what I did wrong and how I could react better. It's like getting another chance to concentrate on what's important, to not get side-tracked. And that reminds me of a conversation I had with my housemate the other day. She believes that God has a plan for each of us as individuals. But because we have free-will, which is the whole joy and heart-ache of love, we can choose to stray away from God and His wonderful path He's prepared for us. Even if that's because we're silly and don't understand things, instead falling for our sinful, physical nature, rather than looking to our spiritual guide and thinking about the consequences of our actions. But, she added, we always have the opportunity to come back to God, ask for His forgiveness and continue on His path in His light, with His blessing to lead us through the dark.
And that's what it kind of feels like now. I feel like I've been here before, exactly where I am, but it's a different me, a more mature me, a me that understands a bit more the depth of the love of God which lead Him to give His only Son so our souls would not be lost. And it's that which makes the sun shine in my heart, even if there are grey, dreary clouds outside. Even if I'm panicking because I'm behind on Uni work, or because I can't pay my bills, or because I'm worried about the future, scared of having to fight the fights I've already fought. I know there will be no escaping situations that I thought I had lived through and therefore do not need to go through again. Afterall, it's a circle; a merry-go-round that never ends! But, it doesn't have to be a sickening experience. Expect the turn and you may just feel merry!
God bless xx