The hardest times are perhaps not the rough times, when we feel like the world is crashing down on us. Or the happy times, when we are in danger of becoming too careless. Rather, it appears that the hardest times are when we realise that we are doing just fine - and then that actually, we are lost, not quite sure of where we are heading, fearsome that we're getting this all wrong. Afraid of becoming so lost that we remain in that motionless pit, never growing or reaching new landscapes.

Today, completing my last ever assessment at University led me first to elation, then to a dreamy-trance like state, and then to the realisation that I am now free - a free being in an overwhelmingly big sea. With no sense of direction, I have no idea where I am meant to be, or what my skills are. I have no idea what my life will look like a month from now; where I will be, who the people around me will be, what I will be doing. And as exciting as that is, it is a daunting and sorrowful thought. The risk of loving someone is to get hurt. Loving the people who have offered me a spiritual home and have taught me such valuable lessons in how to let my light shine in a dark world means that it will hurt immensely to have to leave. I don't feel ready, not for this world or for God. The fact is, I don't feel a sense of being close to God that many people express. To be sure of His voice is not something I am familiar with, and it makes endeavouring into this fierce, cold world a very daunting task.

This is what I hold onto: that this life is not forever. God never promised to eliminate these times. He promised His presence, but faith means to trust, even when we cannot see or hear or feel that presence. It means moving forward, even when we think it is worthless. It means picking ourselves up, telling ourselves to stop worrying, and lifting our eyes to meet the amazing light that He has set before us. If it wasn't for that, then the choice He gave us would not be such a joyful one when we decide to choose Him over the world.

"And who knows that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14.

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10.